Just another paradigm of awesomeness

Archive for December, 2011

12th day of Christmas at light speed!

It’s a white Christmas, or I’m hoping as I’m writing this 2 days in advance – and let’s face it, white Christmases are pretty damn AWESOME. It adds to the festivity and the true spirit of Christmas. Wait did I just say the TRUE SPIRIT of Christmas? Oh yes I did, and I’m definitely going down THAT road (he boasts).

So what is Christmas actually all about? Is it the Christmas Tree? The Presents? The awesome Christmas Dinner? The family/friends get-together? The snow? The shopping?…and the list goes on.

Could it be the idea of giving, that has kept the humanity within us ALIVE perhaps? Although, I’m going to admit, I’m no expert here – so I’m not going to answer it, rather leave it for your beautiful minds to ponder upon!

Here’s something interesting though:

Drew Carey the famous comedian said in an interview about Christmas:

“The birth of Jesus is in the Bible, but not Christmas. The tree is not in the Bible, you know. Gifts—that’s not there either. There’s no place where it says, ‘”Celebrate my birthday,” says Jesus.’ It’s a pagan holiday that the Romans invented that we just do. But everywhere you go, I’m telling you, I’ve seen this so many times, you see a nativity scene and there’s baby Jesus, the manger, sheep, shepherds, Mary, Joseph and Santa Claus right in the middle. Who’s he? Mary’s [birthing] coach? Santa Claus has nothing to do with anything.”

Interestingly another question often pops up in peoples head: Is Christmas day really the birthday of Jesus Christ? Well I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure, so I did some research online and asked the Christians I knew and the outcome was not  obvious: The people who weren’t sure guessed ‘Yes’ assuming the generality of the term ‘CHRIST+MAS’ and those with strong religious beliefs agreed and disagreed.  It is although imperative to note that Christmas initially was a Pagan Festival. But I’m definitely NOT going into a religious outburst here, just want to keep things merry 🙂 (bold and underlined)

So for whatever reason we believe in Santa Clause, or allow the people around us to believe in him (kids) – Santa Clause (the idea of him) is pretty darn cool and here’s why (and yes, he could be based off of Turkey as Saint Nicholas- thats not the point):

  • He delivers presents to an apparent 7 billion population around the world (assuming hes not biased to the people who believe in him) – He makes kids happy.
  • He has a seriously AWESOME algorithm for determining who has been good and who has been naughty – heck its REAL TIME DATA!
  • Further, the real time data extends to wish lists- meaning he tracks who wants what! (once again mind-blowing ..nerve racking technology that is often not given to super heroes – the Bat-Mobile can suck it)
  • And finally, the most awesome thing about Santa Clause is that he can WARP TIME! That’s right, and you see sick, old bed ridden Einstein giving Mr. Clause a Hi 5. Physically, that is the only way Santa Clause can deliver to  his expectations, so it only makes sense he moves at or faster than 3×10^8 m/s (Speed of light). If this is true, than everything slowly starts to make sense: Santa Clause has been whatever his age is for several years now, not seeming to grow old. You see this is the exact effect one would observe when one does start to reach the speed of light – TIME SLOWS DOWN! Okay, so time slows down and he can therefore deliver presents big deal. But let’s not forget that if time slowed down, so does the process of aging, its why he continues to look like the Santa Clause we’ve imagined for years now.

So this is a cheers to all my friends who celebrate Christmas! Have a joyous one 🙂

P.S. – it’s not going to be a white Christmas in Brampton unfortunately(Humbug!). But what really squeezes the lemon is that it will snow right AFTER Christmas. Yeah, I know right – Mother Nature who’s side are you actually on?

Not a white christmas

Not a white Christmas

References

The bit on Drew Carey taken from : http://www.ucg.org/doctrinal-beliefs/was-christ-born-christmas-day/

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all!

Posthumanism and the white rabbit

A rather interesting conjecture one would incur while trudging upon the realms of human evolution is Post-humanism; and before I continue on my awesome rant on what the shiz really is – lets define Post-humanism:

According to http://www.posthumanism.com:

Posthumanism (or transhumanism to use the standard term) is the view that we ought to try to develop – in ways that are safe and ethical – technological means that will enable the exploration of the posthuman realm of possible modes of being. Transhumanists believe that all people should have access to such technologies. The choice of whether to use them, however, should normally rest with the individual.

In the above definition, the writer defines “such technologies” as the ones that will enable us, as homo-sapiens to alter our biology so that our bodies are able to endure and withstand new levels of the human experience. Human experience of course Sally can mean anything. So why be so vague, when we can be so darn right specific? Here’s an interesting perspective:

From a Trans-humanistic perspective, any feeling/emotion that we cannot experience it is because we are limited by our biology. Thus, if we as humans really want these new levels of emotional experience, we must by all means obtain this technology and use it to our advantage. But here’s the kicker – If the human mind cannot contemplate what this specific emotion is, and or how it feels, then how does one design and develop a technology that allows one to feel a specific way?

An interesting rebuttal to this is, that there is no need to be specific in terms of the kind of emotions that one needs to experience, but rather the idea of experiencing new emotions is ideal. However, it is imperative to note that if one does take a bunch of darts and flings em’ in the air, just hoping that this shit really works, the chances of success are very low.

But lets take a step back before we get ahead of ourselves here and think about existing technologies and their implications. Bob Marley didn’t smoke weed because it was healthy: he did it for the experience. Weed, LSD, Salvia, and other powerful hallucinogenics allow one to experience new levels of emotions . Yes, some are illegal and for good reasons – but lets focus on the idea here: amphetamines belong to the stimulant class of drugs and allow one to hallucinate and simulate a much more interesting world.

Lets not forget though, a lot of us forget the beauty around us in our lifeless pursuit for something more powerful. Some Trans-humanists might argue that we live in technology and not nature, and thus beauty is hard to perceive. I would definitely disagree and that superficial beauty although induces great emotions, it isn’t as powerful true perception. The main reason being the pre-concious understanding of the genesis of the idea/thought: that a more natural experience will hold true spontaneity and thus be more enjoyable.

Post-humanism though, means no harm rather the opposite – the improvement and growth of the human species to learn of new technologies, to educate ourselves and experience what we haven’t ever experienced before.

The question though, really is for us to ponder upon: If you see the white rabbit go down his hole, which way are you going?

Our age

lemonade someone?

Alright, lets face some facts here: life throws lemons  at us. There’s no changing that! Most of us have or will at some point come to terms with that. So despite our constant efforts to dodge the lemons – there’s so many being chucked your way…one’s gotta hit the spot (and by spot I dont mean THE SPOT – if you know what I mean 😉 ..hint hint..nudge nudge).

With all these lemons being thrown our way, we incur and live with restrictions and are bounded by these restrictions, thus feeling obligated to do things. So the real questions, Hamlet, really is : What the heck do I do with so many lemons?

YOU MAKE LEMONADE! (TA-DA! he says with a drum roll).

Yes, it’s an obvious optimistic non-realistic answer- but in terms of reality, there ain’t a lot of juice in those lemons either!

Okay, so since there are no actual lemons being thrown at us, but just hypothetical troubles, its safe to assume that the lemonade is hypothetical too. But wait…what? Non-realistic-hypothetical lemonade?

Yeah, sure why not? (he says raising his shoulders)

This analogy of lemonade holds different values for different people: for some it can be the most important thing in the world, for others…just a regular everyday errand. The lemonade doesn’t solve your problem, but it helps you deal with it.

So how does one experience ultimate freedom then? Wait, do you mean the freedom you feel when you take a leap of faith, spread your wings and fly to somewhere perfect knowing exactly where you’re going? Well, I definitely do: we hold this freedom within us because we’re afraid we’re going to be hit by lemons.

For those of you who’ve played the duck/mallard shooting game that came out in the 1990s you know what I’m talking about: being shot by a lemon as you take your leap of faith aint the best way to take off.

But here’s the dealios: YOU ARE A SHIP! If you never leave the harbour, you’ll never really know what your destination looks like!

So take a deep breath, and make a run for it! – cause those lemons are still coming your way. Hey on the bright side, at least you’ll have a drink on the run.

Shower curtain suction tube!

uhhh what now?

Well come on, let’s come to terms with ourselves here: we all take a shower, at some point in our lives…but you know what they say- its the journey that matters not the destination. By that I obviously mean the process of showering! (muahah – his evil laugh consumes him knowing very well that this path is not so often trudged upon)

Well obviously I don’t really care about the things you do in the shower (its your business) but the awesome part really kicks in is when you turn on that extraordinarily powerful hot water tap and hot water is just perfect and it feels like everything will be okay and the shower curtain starts to move in on you! Admit it, you know what I’m talking about. Being cornered by your shower curtain is something many people wouldn’t want to admit to, probably because there’s not much people can do. Well that’s the shower curtain suction effect: when that annoying shower curtain just won’t stay still, it’s as though it’s magnetized to your amazing body…Okay stop blushing.

So the shower curtain suction tube is essentially the hypothetical-theoretical tube created when the hot water gives rise to hot air and as hot air escapes at the top a suction tube is created! – So how does one get rid of this effect? “You cant” it replies as though alive – like the grim reaper holding its scythe, tapping it on the ground at the gates of heaven – “did you really think there was such a thing?” and he laughs…

For those who believe in supernatural powers, this is an official letter saying…NO it’s not alive or a subspace of some quad-dimensional power-its a shower curtain -_-

So for all those who shower and love their shower curtains, I hope you enjoy the Shower Curtain Effect this morning! and for those who hate it i sincerely sympathize! and for those who don’t shower – dude, seriously?

Coffee punch!

SMACK!

The inevitably long line at Tim Horton’s isn’t demotivating for them coffee lovers – in fact, its a tease: “You want some?” (says the coffee cup posing in it’s glimmering state of perfectness) Caffeine is what our brains crave early morning, the second you lift yourself up from that comfy, warm awesome bed in the morning ( like satan slowly luring you to hell, except in this case our heaven is hell). Wait what now? Is that the sound of  the God of all paradoxes yelling waving its hands in the air..”IM HERE! IM HERE!” – I dont see it? do you ?

The Coffee punch though, is a literal punch in the brain in the morning. It can be seen to be something more or less like a converting center (i dare not take its name…cough CH-cough-RU-cough-CH), where people meet the better half of themselves. For those who’ve read the books on Dexter or watched the TV show know that this thing I’m talking about is a little like the dark passenger – concealed in the dark…all night…just waiting for that cup of joe, ready to pounce and take everything for what it’s got: caffeine. Wait did I say caffeine again? I actually meant soma. Yes, another random reference – this one goes out to all my huxley readers this one’s for you (he says with a grin, titling his head – fly-kissing empty space).

Soma really had it’s ups and downs in that book (the brave new world) but in all reality, the awesomeness really sprouts from Huxley’s ability to predict our future state. How did he know? well im assuming he was a coffee drinker too! KISS (Keeping-it-simple-stupid!)

“So wait, what’s the coffee punch again?” says John for John has no clue why he’s actually reading this! Well cause it’s awesome: the coffee punch is the early morning craving that coffee lovers endure only to have it fulfilled at the cost of $2.69 and that large cup of elite awesomeness will fulfill your dreams – but more importantly, it is the digger- the old man-living in our minds calling for pleasure and the dark passenger yearning for something to cling on…that can be consumed. Hah! and they say eating your kids is bad?